WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
