chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
