dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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