it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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