New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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