Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
