ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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