kristin has been a bad kristin
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
