Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
