I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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