The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
