Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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