Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
