I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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