You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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