this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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