The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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