booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
