Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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