haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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