Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize