i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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