I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
