found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize