Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
