It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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