I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
