I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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