when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
