I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
