I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
