At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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