woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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