So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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