So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
