so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
