I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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