Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
