I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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