the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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