my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
