the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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