In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
