woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
