dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize