The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
