she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
