I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
