If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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