Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize