No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
false alarm. still invincible.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
