TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
And then he peed in my hair
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
