The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
