whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
