you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
