i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
