They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
