i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
