I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
