Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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