You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
she peed on how many people?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I lost the right to judge tonight
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
