pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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