is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
