Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
