I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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