So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
this just has baby written all over it
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
