i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
