I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
