1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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