Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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