I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
