I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
