you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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