he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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