quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
