she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
And then he peed in my hair
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