Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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