So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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