Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
