She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
